8/24 Thoughts spun from the 2018 Portrait

If it’s not coming from a place of potency, what’s the point? Right?

Re-training. Karma breeds karma.

I stumble into sacred things, and not long after i experience my carnality eclipsing it.

Learning how to walk, learning how to do without leaving those footprints that keep us caught in the same cycle.

Oil painting, made over the course of 2018.

There’s a lot that there is to say, a single flash of a sacred moment is a million things at once.

I looked at it, her and I reexperienced the adoration for the lips. A deep mushy adoration, that heavy love feeling. That and the eye, I really enjoyed looking at.

I adored it then too, but it was eclipsed so quick.

Other parts I still don’t look to deeply at because of the rejection I have for it.

The same relationship I’ve had with my own physical form and presence.

I decided to start re-drawing it. I experienced all of the same emotions I’ve had back then.

Restriction, rejection, lusting over certain parts, subtle satisfaction with rubbing the pencil markings to make a blur, Not focusing on 1 single task and having a mind split into other parts I should work on, harshness with myself..

Same things, new eyes tho. I know about the eclipse, I don’t confuse it for me & defend it anymore.

Re exploring Drawing, back to the basics, and back to a strong suit is the type of newness that I’m grateful for.

That “finally” type of feeling after some long stretch of a liminal state of being