Documenting yesterday’s sublime & its fruits

Yesterday, experienced an uniquely profound miracle - So multilayered and sublime

It was a lot, I was so excited by it - my own current system was so drawn to say something to someone about it

And I knew that in doing so, I might be susceptible to having the experience in my mind be overshadowed by the reaction the person had to my expressing of it

Because at my current place, I still am very much melded with others emotions. very spongey, very sensitive ; they speak and It’s so powerful to me that I hardly have a backbone and their presence overpowers mines. (It’s weaning down a bit)

But yeah - so I did end up saying something, and I did inevitably feel different. I do know now that it’s not ‘tainting’ but more like eclipsing. It’s a wedgable thing.

---

It’s not that they even had any typical reaction that came from a place of “you’re crazy but I’m not gonna obviously show I feel that” or “i don’t believe you, you’re lying”. But the silence and the pattern between their words and breathe painted a picture that was enough for me to feel less clear than I did when I was experiencing that miraculous moment.

The pattern of their silence, breathe, and few words translates into a category of a ‘feel’ / color / texture in my mind - and the fact that I witnessed that ‘feel’, which wasn’t even negative it was more like ~oh I’m happy for you, but your eccentricity rn is kind of alarming~ was enough to weigh me down so to speak.

Just documentation + catharsis^

---

For anyone interested, what I experienced yesterday:

In short I felt drawn to walk into a woody area I haven’t gone to before on my School’s campus, it was so sweet. So reminiscent of other sweet places, and I felt ‘yellow’, the Sun and the scents were doing good to me. I start walking back but through a different area

I walk into a clearing that’s open like an entrance to a field. I look to my left, I see the same field that has been singing in my mind for a bit of time.

When I was living in the South, there was a particle acre of land that was accessible by a bridge by a clearing behind our apartment. This acre of land, I would go often, and I was almost always alone. Words are truly not sensitive enough for me to express the feel of the relationship between me and this place but it’s very intimate and so so so sweet. I feel like I am here AND there at the same time. I feel like I am in two places at once, and it’s a subtle but very vivid experience. I really feel like there’s potential for me to be able to see what’s happening in that place rn if I make the effort to, that’s how much I sense that I am partly in that place.

Yesterday - that acre on campus was nearly IDENTICAL. The essence was identical, I felt like I could cry but my body couldn’t catch up with the type of energy I felt inside. I wanted to explode lol

The essence was the same, their were soccer goal things like before, there were mockingbirds running and they had the same feel as the ones in the south. The type of shrubs on the sides of the acres were the same

I think what shocked me the most was that I looked to the left and there was a stream, the one in the south had one too.

Idk how to explain, it just felt like she was visiting me.

I felt just like before walking around that acre.

One thing that was very miraculous to me was that entering that acre it was a little clearing that was like a doorway - and the one in the south had a clearing with w a bridge that was hidden to me before I got close to it.

A portal is what I felt.

---

White, yellow, sublime, abundance of plants and sunlight showering me. That’s the essence,

We have a special relationship, mmm it is so sweet. I can still feel it rn.

When I was feeling extreme lows and desperation from the environment that I was living in, I went out to that acre and it was a home to my tears and it was w place I communed the sensoryness of the sounds, feel, scents around me. It was a holy place, and I remember being there when I was experiencing a long awaited shift in the confusing snare I was in, it was there that I was nourished,

it was there that I felt some legroom.

Yesterday, was a new type of feeling.